To the Woman Who Hates Her Body
This goes out to the woman who hates her body—who rejects one or more aspects of herself and therefore hides behind big clothes, other people when taking pictures or literally behind the camera. You are worthy to be seen, known, and loved. But it MUST start with you.
Do YOU see you? Do YOU love you?
This morning, I was reminded of the process I went through to finally accept my dark skin and kinky hair.
You see, like many women of color, I fell prey to society’s colorist pressure that the fairer your skin and the straighter your hair, the better.
So there I was, cringing every time I looked in the mirror. Loads of lightening creams and shades of makeup way too light for me… hundreds of dollars spent on wigs and weave.
Anything to look more like who I was not and trying to outrun a deep sense inadequacy.
It wasn’t until one day when I’d had enough of this self-hatred that I sat in front of the mirror and decided to change my mind—literally!
For an hour, I pointed to every strand of my natural hair, as well as my sun-baked, rich, mahogany face, and said: “YOU are beautiful. YOU are enough. I love YOU. I accept YOU.”
Through tears.
From there, for the next four years, I refused to wear fake hair until I believed I was beautiful without it. And also, anytime I encountered someone who was my complexion or darker, I would compliment them. First in my mind to myself, and then out loud to them. Slowly but surely, I began to see differently!
I’m not gonna say l I don’t have my moments. But for the most part, I genuinely love my DARK skintone and my hair texture.
I love me! 🥰
What I’ve just described was MY process of reconditioning my mind when there was a gap between who I was and who I thought I should be.
To say it plainly, I was hating on the current version of myself and felt there was only space for loving something/someone else.
Can you relate? Do you do that with your body? With your weight?
I am a huge advocate for daily exercise and intentionally working toward fitness goals. However, that should NEVER be from a place of rejecting who you are today!! Like, you can’t be like, “Oh, I’m ugly, I’m so fat…I’m gonna withhold acceptance of myself until I lose ‘x’ amount of pounds…”
Doing that will literally keep you stuck and sometimes, do the opposite!
Society gives us so many reasons to hate what we see in the mirror until we “fit” into some very narrow mold of what it considers beautiful and acceptable.
But I am challenging you to love yourself starting NOW. In the process of BECOMING.
Your current body that you think is too “this” or not enough of “that”—is still worthy TODAY.
Sis, she is who you have right now. 😢 If you tear her down, crap on her, and tell her how much you dislike her existence—how do you expect her to thrive? She is literally the foundation of that future self you want to become. Yet by treating her with such disdain, you are also breaking down the future self you plan to be.
Here’s the takeaway: Start being good to the you that is here RIGHT NOW. Love her. Speak tenderly. Communicate your love and value to her—thanking her for how she’s carried and protected you thus far. Blessing how hard she works. Forgiving her when she has struggled with illness or seemingly betrayed you.
I promise you, this foundation of kindness will unleash your body’s best potential! As you love [on] yourself before you “love” yourself (ie, your appearance)—getting to a place that you legit LOVE will come in no time!!
Eat well. Workout. Speak kindly to you. BECAUSE you are worth it now.
❤
—NL